No parent wants to harm their children and knows that he must not be aggressive towards them. But sometimes, no matter how hard we try to raise our children with a gentle tone, they literally climb on our heads and then comes the moment when the parent erupts and in most cases unconsciously hits the child. The fact is that the beating is not a means of education and usually leads to even more serious problems and bad consequences.
Undoubtedly, there are many effective ways we can get along with our child. Because every child is different, you as a parent know him / her best and with a little patience you will be able to find the right approach. You will see for yourself that beating is not a means of upbringing, nor will you build effective communication with the child, and it all depends on achieving mutual trust and understanding.
The reasons for not punishing the child physically are many more than the ones we will list, but on this occasion we will list only the most important:
Beating incites beating
Everyone knows the classic history of the mother who believed that hitting was an important moment in raising a child. One day she saw her three-year-old daughter beating her one-year-old son. When she tried to stop her and asked for an explanation, her daughter replied that she was playing.
The bottom line is that children want to imitate the behavior of the people around them, especially those they love. Children think that what you are doing is right and they are copying your behavior. Do not forget that the same discipline that you applied to your child, one day he will implement it on his own. If you hit the child, it will mean that it is a normal relationship between people and it will start behaving like that, and no parent wants that. Someone will say: “But I do not hit him hard and I do not do it often, but only in a hopeless situation.” Such a situation, however, does not exist. There is a way out of absolutely every situation, you just need to not succumb to the urge and change your mind. It is easiest to react quickly, without thinking, but then you have to deal with the consequences. It is better in critical situations, when the child takes you out of contact, to keep a good tone, or simply keep quiet and move away, so that you can think of a solution in private. It has a very good effect, because the child also acted without thinking. So you should leave him alone and you will see that after he thinks, he will understand that he is wrong.
Psychological punishment is also not recommended, because the child’s psyche is still unstable, to subject it to psychological manipulation.
Psychological traumas last longer than physical ones. In case of nervousness, never call the child with insulting words and do not discourage him, because it is an attack on his self-confidence. So keeping quiet and leaving the child alone to look at things is the best solution.
Beating humiliates the child
The child’s image of himself first depends on how his loved ones and especially his parents see him. Even in families with the strongest bonds between parents and children, a single blow will send a confusing signal to the child, especially if he or she is too young to understand why. This hurts his self-esteem and the child begins to consider himself a bad person. In some cases, after just one corporal punishment, the child may shut himself up and even limit contact with friends. Hitting the child will make him feel small and weak, and you must not allow that.
Clapping your hands also has negative consequences. According to Maria Montessori (1870-1952 – a well-known expert in the field of pedagogy), whose method of the same name is widely used in modern pedagogical practice, the child’s hands are an instrument for exploring the world and most of them show the child’s curiosity. If the child is hit on the hands, a strong negative message is sent to him. This idea is supported by much later scientific research. We will mention only one of them: Psychologists divided 16. fourteen month old children into two groups. One group of children was slapped on the hands whenever they touched something illegal and another group did not receive corporal punishment. Seven months later, the researchers found that the group of children who received applause on their hands became more withdrawn and more difficult to use their hands when playing and exploring new objects.
In cases where you want the child not to grab some objects, keep them out of his reach.
Beating underestimates and humiliates the parent
Parents who punish their children too harshly are underestimated, because deep down they feel that they are wrong and that they have failed to respond appropriately and find a better solution. Many times parents get corporal punishment because they see no other alternative and feel that they are at a dead end, but then they feel powerless.
Beating underestimates the role of the parent. Being an authoritative figure means that the child respects and trusts you, not to be afraid of you. Authority must not be based on fear. This will distance the child from the parent and will disrupt the relationship and trust between them.
Hitting leads to corporal punishment
The following situation is very common: The child tries to reach something illegal, the parent says no, but it continues. There is a light slap on the arm, but it does not stop. The next blow is a little harder and the child starts crying. It is clear that the parent needs to have unlimited patience to deal with the child. Hitting has no positive effect, but the child becomes even more strenuous in what he does, to attract attention. Therefore, the harder you hit him, the more he will do what you forbid him to do.
Beating makes things worse
Yes, hitting a child will only make his behavior worse. It will test your growing desire to oppose you and make your behavior worse. If you want your child to understand that he or she made a mistake, you will not achieve this by beating him or her. If he does not understand you even after the clear and detailed explanation from you, then leave him alone, and if necessary, do not talk to him briefly.
Beating has other negative consequences
The more a child is beaten, the more likely he or she is to become an aggressive person as an adult. He is also more likely to be rude to his own children or a violent man when he becomes an adult.
Remember: The task of the parents should be aimed at better behavior of the children. This is not achieved by punishment. Praise, rewards, and, above all, a warm relationship full of trust will motivate the child to do what he wants, in a way that he himself will want to do. Humor can disarm even the most stubborn child (even tense parents). With such spontaneous and cheerful behavior you will surprise the child and awaken his interests.